The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
