New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
