i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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