Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
