It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
