My balls are so social today.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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