I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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