And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i love accidental penises.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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