If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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