thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
