I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
