O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
