Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
