She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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