Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
