like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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