dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
