don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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