We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
