Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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