proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
