please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
