fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
