No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
His hands were made for my vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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