its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
