Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
