Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
