i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
