WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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