you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
