Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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