are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
