This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
