He is an equal opportunity slut.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
