Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
