My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
