I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
