My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
