dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
