Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
