dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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