The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
