Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
