the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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