How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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