I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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