I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
