I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
