just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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