So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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