After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
